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BDSM Aftercare

BDSM Aftercare – what matters

BDSM aftercare describes the players’ mutual psychological and emotional support after a BDSM session by talking and reflecting on what they have experienced and giving each other physical affection. The aim is to face post-session feelings as best as possible without feelings of shame and to signal the nervous system: You are safe.

Why do you do that?

A session can create an enormous hormonal rush in the body. If the hormone balance levels off again after a session, this can cause extreme emotional fluctuations and lead to negative feelings. In the worst case, there is even a risk of a crash – also known as a drop. Even without the possible threat of a crash, it makes a lot of sense to do aftercare to strengthen the bond and trust between players. For example, by talking together about the experience and exchanging cuddles.

Things to consider when it comes to BDSM aftercare:

The intensity and specifics of the aftercare will vary from person to person and should be discussed prior to the session, especially when playing with a new partner and the needs of each other are not yet familiar. Some don’t like physical affection, for example, and prefer to seek distance, while for others it is essential.

Aftercare also includes taking care of a possibly injured sub . Even if injuries only appear or last the next day or later. The same applies to a psychological crash that occurs with a delay. In addition, aftercare must be independent of performance or behavior. Because aftercare is about a fundamental appreciation and care as a person. The refusal of aftercare as a means of pressure or punishment is an absolute taboo and can have serious consequences for one of the parts. Aftercare is usually only seen as the duty of the dominant part on the submissive. But even top players have aftercare needs and can suffer a drop. For example, out of shame or guilt about social taboos that were violated during the session.

What options are there for BDSM aftercare?

Non-sexual physical affection tops the list for most, coming back to the present. But some also like to continue or incorporate sexuality and to bring themselves to orgasm with the help of their partner or a toy .

Conversations and positive confirmation: Just the voice of the game partner has an extremely calming effect for most people. Take the opportunity to talk about what went well during the session, what you liked and to thank each other for the experience.

On the other hand, things that went less well or you didn’t like should not be discussed immediately after the session, but in a less tense moment. It is important that these are addressed in first-person language.

Other ideas include sharing a snack or cup of tea, watching a movie together (rather light and fun) or starting a Good Vibes playlist , taking a bath, or going for a walk together. Always remember: it’s all about calming your nerves.

Take time for yourself: self-care

A session is extremely exhausting, both physically and mentally. In addition, you can do self-care to process what you have experienced. Selfcare is about taking time for your body and mind and recharging your batteries. Remember to drink enough water, put on your favorite clothes and do something good for yourself. For example, with a warm bath and chocolate, a walk followed by meditation, a good book , your favorite food or your favorite film . Or all together. Some write down their thoughts and keep entire SM diaries. The right thing of BDSM aftercare is what is good for you.

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