Going through a breakup is never a walk in the park. It can be really tough, and it’s not something any of us really look forward to. Lovesickness can sting like nothing else, even if you’re someone who enjoys a little pain from time to time. We’ve all been there – the arguments, the heartache, the tears. When a relationship comes to an end, it’s always a bit of a heartbreaker. But what if this relationship was linked to BDSM?
You might have already come across plenty of advice online about how to handle breakups. That’s why we want to focus on how to deal with the end of a BDSM relationship. This article can’t magically heal a broken heart, but it’s here to offer some ideas and get you thinking.
Understanding the Reasons for the Breakup
The reason for a breakup can really shape how you deal with it, even when it comes to a BDSM relationship. Regardless of who initiated the breakup, did it happen because of a specific event? Was there something that occurred that made it impossible for one or both of you to continue the relationship? If so, then you can be confident that breaking up was the right choice, because you can’t go back in time and change things.
But what if there wasn’t a clear trigger for the breakup? That’s a bit trickier. In such cases, you gradually come to realize that the relationship is no longer making one or both partners happy. Recognizing this and ultimately accepting it takes a lot of strength. It’s even more sensitive when BDSM is a significant part of the relationship because our sexuality often ties into our self-esteem, fears, and need for recognition. So, if you’re dealing with a BDSM breakup, here are some thoughts that might help.
Coping with a BDSM Breakup: Some Encouraging Ideas
Remember, You're More Than Your Role
You are a complete person. BDSM and your role are part of who you are, but they don’t define your whole identity. There are plenty of things that can bring you happiness outside of BDSM. What makes you happy beyond the world of kink? How can you still be true to yourself?
It Takes Two to Tango in BDSM
BDSM and a satisfying sex life involve at least two people. If things didn’t work out in the bedroom or during playtime, it’s not all on you. It’s not about pointing fingers. It simply means that your desires and your partner’s may have changed, and that’s perfectly okay.
Consider the Role of Chemistry
Believe it or not, biology can sometimes have a say in these things. Our hormones fluctuate throughout our lives, and these changes can influence how we feel attracted to each other and our relationships.
Embrace Personal Growth
Although the breakup is undoubtedly a challenging step for both of you, it’s also a step forward. You’re each embarking on new journeys. So, embrace the opportunity for personal growth.
What Will Improve Now?
Finding something positive in a BDSM breakup can be quite challenging, but it’s definitely worth considering how things might improve. Think about any limitations, compromises, or sacrifices you made during the relationship. What might get better now?
Four Tips for Dealing with a BDSM Breakup
Take a Break from BDSM
After a breakup, it’s a good idea to focus on your non-kinky life for a while, especially if your ex-partner wasn’t deeply involved in your everyday vanilla life. Concentrate on work, hobbies, and spending time with friends. Avoid rushing into a new relationship or trying to find a replacement right away. Give yourself some time.
Disconnect Your Inclinations from a Specific Partner
Our kinks are often associated with a specific person, but remember that you can be a sub without a Dom and vice versa. Your desires come from within and aren’t tied to someone else.
Create Space for New Experiences
Consider letting go of items that remind you of your past relationship, such as outfits and toys. Rearrange and redecorate your space. Once you’re ready, replace those reminders with something new, something your ex may not have liked, or try out a new accessory to explore a different role.
Take Your Time and Keep the Faith
The last and perhaps most important tip when dealing with a breakup is this: heartbreak isn’t like a rope burn or a spanking stripe. It doesn’t go away overnight or in just a few days. Don’t pressure yourself to get over the end of the relationship as quickly as possible. Love isn’t a switch you can flip on or off. Getting used to life without someone takes time, just as it took time to adjust to having them around. Let yourself grieve, and when the time is right, allow yourself to be happy again. Have faith in the journey that lies ahead.
