How to Be a Good Sub: 12 Tips for Beginners

Enjoying surrender, submission, and letting go of control—does that sound appealing to you? Ever thought about being a sub and trying out dominance? Ready to turn your fantasies into reality? Taking on the sub role shouldn’t feel like a sudden plunge. If you’re here, you probably get that already. To help you start your journey as a sub, here are some beginner tips on how to be a good sub to make the experience smoother.

Recognize and understand your needs

1. Acknowledge and make peace with your inclinations, even if they don’t align with your upbringing or daily life. Find the harmony in this contrast and embrace the unique compatibility they bring.

2. Avoid intertwining the joy of surrender with the complexities of love. While the experience of submission can be profoundly intense, it remains fundamentally distinct from the intricate emotions associated with love.

Determine your desires and, most importantly, your limits.

3. Listen closely to your gut instincts; they’re your internal compass in this exploration. Take time to ponder your desires. Are you yearning for the intimate dance of a romantic relationship with a dominant figure, or is it the raw thrill of surrender that entices you? Clarify your wants before delving into the journey of submission.

4. Explore the subject more deeply. While stories can be entertaining, they may offer limited guidance as templates. Consider delving into (non-fiction) books dedicated to the topic. Engage in discussions on relevant forums if that suits your preference. For those seeking personal interactions, attending a BDSM gathering can be a valuable experience. Like any subculture, the BDSM community has its own vocabulary, which may be unfamiliar to outsiders.

5. Imagining scenarios mentally is one thing, but reality is an entirely different experience. Your mental musings provide a glimpse into your genuine inclinations, yet they are not conclusive. Without experiencing certain activities firsthand, it’s challenging to predict whether you’ll enjoy or find discomfort in them. Establish clear boundaries and taboos, and when you connect with someone, openly communicate and share them. It’s crucial to agree on a safe word as well.

Find your Dom

6. Exercise utmost caution with your personal information, especially in virtual interactions. When chatting, avoid using your real name and refrain from sharing too much personal information immediately. If you need something sent to you, consider using a post packing station for added privacy and security.

7. Take the initiative in your search by reaching out to potential partners. As a beginner in the submissive role, don’t hesitate to decline contact with a dominant if it doesn’t align with your comfort and preferences.

Safety in every situation

8. Ensure your safety by having initial meetings in public places, and make sure someone knows your whereabouts. Prioritize your well-being, even if it means sacrificing a bit of excitement in the process.

9. Exercise caution and trust your instincts when interacting with dominants. Be wary of individuals with potential insecurities seeking compensation through BDSM, as they can pose risks. Always verify information and promptly disengage if you catch someone lying. Trust in BDSM is earned, not assumed.

10. Maintain good hygiene practices beyond just sex. In non-monogamous relationships, hygiene becomes crucial. Properly disinfect sex toys, as a simple wash may not be sufficient. If in doubt, consider using a condom not only during sex but also with sex toys. Alternatively, opt for personal sex toys for exclusive use.

11. Remember, being a sub doesn’t exempt you from personal responsibility. Continuously reflect on whether you’re still doing what you genuinely desire. If you fear your boundaries might be crossed, communicate openly. Particularly in the early stages of a relationship, prioritize your safety and avoid blindly relying on the other person.

12. Stick to the truth and have fun!